Candied, crushed sago't gulaman
Merry 2014smas, true believers! I am back–most likely, for good (I’m sorry)–here to deliver your weekly whambamthankyouma’am dose of short, intense gaming experiences you’ll probably forget about when the new GTA comes out. Or when Steam unfurls its hood to reveal a face tattooed with several thousand monies’ worth of game savings.
Shhh, I’m so sorry I went away, indie games. But I’m back and here I am to stay. Mr. New Vegas says you’re nobody till somebody loves you. That somebody is me.
I love you, indie games.
2013 was the year of roguelikes. Roguelikes are these deceptively vast games where you invest so much into creating a complex, multifaceted character to brave the many dangers of some subterranean labyrinth. It’s an old game genre. Old and complicated, like a tarnished watch or the bowel movements of an elderly man.
Your reward? Dying a lot, in random and completely unfair ways sometimes.
The appeal? Dying a lot, in random and completely unfair ways sometimes.
Roguelikes let you embrace your masochistic tendencies. Because let’s be honest–you’re kind of into it, you weirdo.
You’re not alone. Ernesto, suspisciously Latino everyman of action also doesn’t like to skip the whip. But he likes it fast! And he likes it strong! Ernesto – A Quick RPG is your minimalist roguish quick fix. But don’t be fooled by its retrochic use of pixel art and complete lack of music. Ernesto’s objective is a lofty one. He is out to kill gods, man. For what, I am unsure. They might have decimated his village or kidnapped his girlfriend, as gods are wont to do. One thing is sure: Ernesto is out to kick ass and take names.
Movement by clicks. But only on adjacent squares! And only via the cardinal directions–none of those hippie diagonals up in here. Mouseover each symbol before you click! Each symbol contains valuable information. Finally click and you will land on a symbol which will dictate the fate of Ernesto. Will he defeat an RPG-standard bat? Will he meander into a poisonous puff of smoke? Will he pick up a coin off the temple floor? IDK! You decide! VIDEO GAMES GIVE YOU THAT CHOICE
The game is short, but perfect in its shortness. Like a handsome dwarf. One recalls Desktop Dungeons but without the slightly tedious chacha of stepping into the fog of war to refill health and mana. But like Desktop Dungeons, there is a full experience waiting for you–a swashbuckler of a temple run filled with wanton murder, casual desecration, and bloody bloody deicide.